Big Is Beautiful!

October 12 2016

My, oh my!  It’s been a long while since I last posted an entry on this particular blog!

A lot has happened and I feel like I should catch everyone up to date on my life, however, this is NOT my journal so I suppose I won’t catch you up (at least not right now).

My reason for writing today is very specific.   My last posts were about me trying to lose weight (story of my life).  Over the past several years, I have yo-yoed up and down substantially.  I am currently tipping the scale at over 300 pounds.  I’d tell you exactly how much I weigh, but I haven’t stepped on a scale in months and months.

Each morning I roll out of bed and on my way to the bathroom have to pass a full length mirror.  Of course I am naked as I walk past the mirror and 9 times out of 10, I will slow down to catch a glimpse of my body.

Do you want to know a secret?  I LOVE my naked body.  I love the largeness of my torso, the thickness of my legs, the swell of my butt, ALL of it!   I love my scruffy face and the hair I have on my chest.  I love my man boobs that at times look very pectoral and muscled although they are just an illusion of fat covering minimal muscle tissue.  I love my beefy arms, my thick neck, and my messy bed head morning hair. 

My belly has grown substantially over the past several months.   It’s a big fat belly that hangs over my belt when clothed.  I like how beefy it makes me look (naked).  For someone such as me who has always had self-image issues and struggled with weight problems throughout my entire life, this is something new and exciting for me.  I actually love my body.  I also love other men with body types just like mine.  This is another secret that I have always kept hidden for whatever reason.  I like a mans man with a health gut, hairy chest, scruffy face, and just beefy in general.  I’m not sure why this has had to be a secret in the past.  Maybe I was ashamed of what others might think of my tastes in men.  At this point, I don’t care what others think!   I am all about searching for and finding happiness and if that equates to a heavy set gent who may or may not be a bit older than me, then so be it!

So back to me and my physical body for just a moment.   If you re-read what I have entered above, you will notice that I have prefaced my love of myself and my body “naked”.  To set the record straight, I am not a nudist, nor do I wander my home naked other than in the morning headed to the shower and then back to my room after the shower to get dressed.  The sad truth of who I am is that apparently I am conditional in my love for myself.  Once I have on my bvd’s, and an undershirt, I am suddenly not as attracted to myself.   Once I have slipped on a shirt and pants, I begin to distract myself from the mirror because I do not like what I see.  I’ve always been difficult to fit in clothes.  I have a long torso, thick legs, and a short waist to groin ratio.  Finding pants that will accommodate my curves and mass is difficult.  It’s even more difficult to find clothing that not only fits, but also looks good on my body.  This XLL Slim Fit crap is a nightmare for me.  An XXL Slim Fit equates to a regular large or possibly extra large shirt.  It’s an oxymoron!   For me, once my clothes are on, I suddenly feel like an obese person with no self-control.  I feel ugly and fat and sad.  I am willing to suck that up and let it be what it is, however….  I am trying to catch me a fella.  I have been for the majority of my life.  40 of my 44 years of life, I have been single and feel like it’s been long enough.  I am ready for a partner to love unconditionally who will also love me unconditionally as well…  super chubby body and all.   Since I have this issue with my appearance in clothing, I know I am not attracting any gentleman callers into my life.  It’s a real problem for me and I need to figure out how to work around this.  I am hoping that my naked self love with shine brighter in to the Universe and will light the way for “my” perfect mate to find me. 

So there you have it!  My Oct 12 2016 age 44 and ½ secrets of the moment.   

Xyngular: End of Second Cleanse Cycle (THE END)

Well...  Here we are...  The end of this Xyngluar Ignite program.  I have mixed emotions about running out of product and ending this experiment of mine.   

My nose in the right picture looks funny because I tried to photoshop the ZIT off of it.  LOL!

 

L-R Day 1, Day 8, Day 16

L-R Day 1, Day 8, Day 16

I must admit that I began this program with GREAT expectations.  I have a lot of weight to lose and really believed that I would not only drop a large number of pounds, but also a large number of inches on my first Ignite.  Now that all the measurements are in, weight recorded, and result pictures have been posted, I am a bit disappointed.  I did expect miracles, but the company HYPE lead me to believe that miracles were readily available.

This program does not tout itself as a weight loss program.  They do however use lots and lots of before and after photos of people losing lots of weight to help promote interest and sales.  The idea is that this is a healthy way of living and that the products can help people overcome physical (and in some cases) emotional issues that they may be plagued with.

I leave this program feeling somewhat better than I did before starting.  You cannot help feel more energy when you are pumping your body full of pills, protein shakes, and juices.  I just don't think I feel $300 a month worth better.  

My major issue with this company is that it is Multi Level Marketing.  I have great heartburn knowing that there is a giant mark up on the product costs to pay a downline payment to someone who interested me in the program.  I also have great heartburn knowing that the cost of my product is paying for trips and bonuses for those who are good at selling the products.  Just give me the product at a lower cost and forget all of that other stuff.  For that reason alone I will most likely hesitate to purchase another round of this product.

There is good that has come from my experiment.  I have lost a total of twelve pounds.  Eleven of those were within the first 8 day cleanse and the additional pound was within day one of my second round.  

How disappointing that in the second round I only lost 1 pound.  The idea that my body is building lean muscle, although it is true to a point, seems like a weak excuse from the company to justify why I did not continue to lose more weight.

Another positive from doing this program is that I have ended my 30+ year Diet Coke habit.  I'm still finishing up the remaining pills from the program.  We will see (once I'm off the pills) if I go through withdrawal by no longer using the product.  Right now I feel that I have only substituted Diet Coke for energy pills.  They may be "natural" but it's still just a substitution.  

This past week I have also started walking again.  (This is good news!)  I've needed some motivation to get off the couch and get out the door.  The Xyng speed pill has helped me to have the energy to get going.

So here are my before and after measurements:

Sunday June 9 2013

Weight: 283
Neck: 17"
Shoulders: 54"
Chest: 49"
Bicep: (L) 14 1/2" (R) 14 1/4"
Forearm: (L) 11 1/8" (R) 11 3/4"
Belly waist: 52 1/2"
Belt waist: 46"
Hips: 50 1/2"
Thighs: (L) 28" (R) 29"
Calves: (L) 17" (R) 18"

Wednesday June 26 2013

Weight: 270.8
Neck: 15 1/4"
Shoulders: 54 1/4"
Chest: 48"
Bicep: (L) 15 1/2" (R) 15"
Forearm: (L) 11 1/8" (R) 11 1/2"
Belly waist: 51"
Belt waist: 46" 
Hips: 49 1/2"
Thighs: (L) 27 1/4" (R) 28 3/4"
Calves: (L) 17" (R) 17"

***If you didn't want to do comparisons, I did a quick break down of the number of inches total lost (or gained) over the last 17 days.***

Neck: -1 3/4"
Shoulders: +1/4"
Chest: -1"
Bicep: (L) +3/4" (R) +3/4"
Forearm: (L) 0 (R) -1/4"
Belly waist: -1 1/2"
Belt waist:0 (THIS IS THE ONE I REALLY WANTED LOWER)
Hips: -1"
Thigh: (L) -3/4" (R) -1/4"
Calve: (L) 0 (R) -1"

 (L) June 9, 2013  (R) June 26, 2013

(L) June 9, 2013  (R) June 26, 2013

 (L) June 9, 2013  (R) June 26, 2013

(L) June 9, 2013  (R) June 26, 2013

Xyngular: (Round 2) Day ????

So today is day THREE of my second round of the eight day Ignite.    So far I am breezing through this round much easier than I did the first one.

I weighed myself this morning and I am down another pound.  That makes twelve pounds in all since starting 12 days ago.  A pound a day average is not too shabby.  I kind of have a feeling that my body is going to start fighting back soon and my weight loss will slow.  I am ok with that.  

I would love to get to the end of this round and be able to announce another drastic loss.  Who knows..  Perhaps I will be able to do so.  

Yesterday and today are really the first days that I have sorta felt like I am making progress.  My shirt this morning fit just a little different and the waistband on my pants doesn't seem to be straining quite as bad.  

I still do not have the energy that I was hoping these products would bring me.  I didn't expect miracles, but I had hoped that they would alter my mind enough to feel motivation to get out and move more.  I'd really like to feel a drive again start up my walking/jogging routine.  

I suppose I'm lucky that they caution against exercising while on the 8 day Ignite.  It's a great excuse (this week) to not be out beating the the pavement.  I will be done with this round on Wednesday June 26th at midnight.  After that, I will really have no justification other than my own sheer laziness.

Maybe by that time I will feel more like going.  Here's to hoping!

Xyngular: End of 8 Day Ignite! (Results are in!)

My 8 day jump start program has ended.

In total I lost ELEVEN pounds during the 8 day cleanse.  My measurements didn't change too much.  

Sunday June 9 2013

Weight: 283
Neck: 17"
Shoulders: 54"
Chest: 49"
Bicep: (L) 14 1/2" (R) 14 1/4"
Forearm: (L) 11 1/8" (R) 11 3/4"
Belly waist: 52 1/2"
Belt waist: 46"
Hips: 50 1/2"
Thighs: (L) 28" (R) 29"
Calves: (L) 17" (R) 18"

Monday June 17, 2013

Weight: 272
Neck: 16 1/2"
Shoulders: 53 1/2"
Chest: 47 3/4"
Bicep: (L) 14" (R) 14 1/2"
Forearm: (L) 11 1/8" (R) 11 3/4"
Belly waist: 51"
Belt waist: 46"
Hips: 49 3/4"
Thighs: (L) 27 3/4" (R) 28 3/4"
Calves: (L) 16 3/4" (R) 17 1/2"

The pictures on the Left are the BEFORE and on the Right AFTER

(L) June 9, 2013  (R) June 17, 2013

(L) June 9, 2013  (R) June 17, 2013

(L) June 9, 2013  (R) June 17, 2013

(L) June 9, 2013  (R) June 17, 2013

Personally I do not physically see a difference in the Before and After pictures.  11 pounds is still 11 pounds.

My hope is that this second 8 days go will show some better results.  I will for sure post pictures like this again with day 1 "Before" and then day 16 "After".
 
I took a day off and today I've started up a second 8 day run at that program.  It's only 10:00 am, but I am feeling good and I'm in high spirits.  

 Today I was all out of protein stock other than tuna.  This was my snacks for the day.

I'm baking lime chicken right now and it is taking FOREVER to cook.  Almost twice as long as last weeks chicken.  

Here is my final before and after shot.  Honestly, I think the before picture looks thinner.  Ha ha ha!

(L) June 9, 2013  (R) June 17, 2013

Xyngular: Day 8 (The end is near!)

Today is my last day of the cleanse.  It is in fact 9:00 pm on the last day and I am hungry.  

Today I had another turkey burger with cheese in lettuce as my protein.  I added very little sauce on top for flavor.  It was yummy.

Ground Turkey patty, low fat cheese on lettuce leafs

I was asked by a friend to go see "Jersey Boys" at the Capitol Theatre.  It was a great little show with great music.

Capitol Theatre downtown Salt Lake City

 This afternoon I had some egg beaters, with fresh baby spinach, melted cheese, and a little hot sauce on top for flavoring.  

Egg Beaters, fresh baby spinach, cottage cheese, hot sauce

My friend is the set designer for a Rep Theatre Company in Logan.  Another friend is in one of the shows.  The set designer asked me to draw a kid picture/note to my friend in the show.  It will be placed on the set (on a fridge) for her to find during the show.  Here is my little drawing.

My love note to my friend Camille

Here is how it looked once it was placed on the set:

The Drowsy Chaperone Set Old Lyric, Logan Utah 2013

Tomorrow I will do my final weigh in and measurements.  I'm a little bit nervous.  Not because of the weight losses OR because of expected inches I hope to lose...  

I've been on a structured way of eating for the past 8 days.  Suddenly that structure is not going to be there.  It makes me nervous.  I actually plan on taking one or two days off of the program and then starting an 8 day cycle again.  We'll see how that goes.

My car is having problems and is spraying antifreeze EVERYWHERE!  I found the problem.  It's a cracked plastic tube.  I plan on taking my car to the shop across the street from my work.  I've researched the price of the part (online) and it should only be about $20 for the parts and very little labor.  If I had the time, I would just do it all myself.  I'll take it to the shop for convenience only.  

That's about all I have for today.  I am feeling back to my normal self.  I'm not really experiencing any great energy boost or feeling any extra super healthy or better than I was before.  We'll see.... 

 

Xyngular: Day 7 (On weekend time)

I woke this morning around 10:30 am.  As you can imagine this threw off my Xyngular schedule.  I figured I would still follow the same days plan, but just start at 10:30 am instead of my regular 7:00 am.  This worked totally fine.  

I believe that you have to be flexible with any program that you are following.  It's all about living and life will always have its twists and turns.  

For my morning protein snack I had a seasoned turkey burger with melted low fat cheese nestled in lettuce leaves.  It was a delight!

Protein and Greens mixing it up a bit

I had planned on using my roommates George Foreman grill to cook these up, but when I pulled it out of the cupboard, THIS is what I found.

My roommates uncleaned George Foreman Grill.  Yuck!

 I have NO idea how long it's been in the cabinet uncleaned.  I have personally never used it, so I know it's not my mess.  Totally gross!

I ended up using my electric skillet and drizzled on a little olive oil to help the turkey not stick.  It worked well.  I also cooked an extra patty so I will have another protein meal ready with only half the prep time.  (Look at me getting smart about this food prep thing!)

I've spent my morning watching TV and sewing up holes in some shorts and pants that I have.  I also weighed again today and I'm down another pound.  This makes eight pounds of weight loss so far!

In an effort to normalize my life, I decided that my 550 calorie meal today would be at a restaurant with friends.  We went to Applebee's.  They have this Under 550 Calories Menu.  I must say that it's pretty awesome that I can get steak or chicken, shrimp and veggies all within my calorie guidelines. 

I chose the Signature Sirloin with Garlic Herb Shrimp. 

Applebee's Under 550 Calories Menu item

 The meal was delicious and the fact that I got to spend some quality time with my friends Justin and Seth two days in a row was even better!   

Just a warning to those who think that getting a salad at Applebee's is a calorie/fat saving option.  We asked for the nutitional info book to be brought to our table.  The Oriental Chicken Salad  packs 1390 calories, 91 grams of fat, AND 2190 mg of sodium.  YIKES!!!

My final plans of the day were going out with my friends (and neighbors) Lani and Dennis.  We went to Chili's for dinner.  This one counted as my "unlimited protein" for the night.  I ended up having pretty much the same meal as I did at Applebee's.  I had the 6oz Sirloin with steamed broccoli. 

Chili's 250 Calorie steak and broccoli

I also ordered some chili lime shrimp to go along with it.  It was a better meal than Applebee's for sure.  The conversation with friends was great as well!

We then headed to the Drive-In to see a double feature of "The Purge" and "Fast & Furious 6".  I love going to the Redwood Drive-In!  Here are a few parting pictures and I'm off to bed.  It's 2:00 am and I'm not really even tired.

Drive-In at dusk!

Dennis almost didn't make it in this one!

Dennis, me, Lani

Xyngular: Day 6 (Meh!)

Friday evening.  I am hungry.  I was browsing Facebook and came across this lovely, delightful photo:

This looked so yummy!

I about cried!  That salad looks so delicious.  That sandwich does as well.

Reality has set in.  I am fat.  I have always been fat.  Even when I'm thin, I'm fat.  Maybe I don't really give a damn if I lose weight.  

I canceled plans with friends tonight because they are going to dinner and drinking.  These are two things I cannot do while on this eight day cleanse.  It's the end of day six.  I'm going to stick this out.  I just knew that I wouldn't be able to do it if booze and food were right in front of me.  

During the maintenance stage of the Xyngular Ignite , I could go to dinner and at least make some smart food choices and enjoy a meal with my friends.  Right now I can't.  That is very frustrating to me.  It's Friday night.  I suppose I'll stay home by myself so that I don't slip and eat.

A little later that night.....

So the weekend is here!  I was sitting at home alone on my own accord.  It was too early to go to bed and yet I was miserably hungry and being alone with no distractions was making it ten times worse.  

I called my friends to locate them and then headed over to the local bar (The Trapp).  I found them in the back bar area playing darts and having a good time.  

Life is about living and I only have myself to blame if I let it all pass me by.  I grabbed me a big old mason jar full of ice water and settled in for the night.

Here's a picture of the dance floor:

Dance floor at The Trapp SLC

You may have noticed that there is nobody dancing. The dance floor at this establishment is more of a wasted space between the front bar and the back bar and patio.  The only people who dance are those silly straight girls who come to experience a gay bar.  They get totally trashed and then makes fools of themselves on the dance floor, often falling to the ground in a sad, drunken heap.  

I had a great time with my friends and spend a lot of the evening out on the patio chatting, laughing, and just enjoying each others company.

Here we are on the patio.  Notice my mason jar of ice water!

(L-R): Seth, Justin and me

  I'm not sure how it happens, but I always seem to almost blink AND open my mouth when a picture is being taken.  

I've been going to sleep around midnight all week long and tonight will be no exception.  Tomorrow is beard trimming day.  Exciting!

The proof is in the pudding and at the end of eight days we will see how much weight I am down (that hopefully won't just be water weight loss).  I will be curious to see how many inches I have lost as NONE of my clothes are fitting any looser.  In fact, the waist on my pants is tighter.  

My belt has three notches that I fluctuate between.  The furthest notch (when I'm at my thinnest), the middle notch (when I'm just sort of around where I prefer to be), and the FAT notch.  I am currently at that FAT notch right now.  To be fair, I was on this notch when I began the eight days, however, when I began it wasn't STRAINING and now it is.  I do have more notches on my belt, but have not wanted to allow myself to ever use them.  *sigh*

Two more things and I am out for the night.  While on this program my bank balance has not changed all week long.  Usually by this point in the week I have eaten out enough that I am around $100 less than at the start of the week.  I would like to point out though...  That money was still spent!  I had to pay $300 for this program (which in all fairness is for a months supply).  I have also had to purchase all my greens and proteins (which are expensive).  I really don't think I've saved any money this week.  It was all just spent last Saturday when I did my shopping for the week.

The second item.  This week I have broken out in acne.  Not on my face, but on my chest, shoulders and back.  I NEVER have acne anywhere other than my face.  I use Proactive to prevent that.  I have for years and will continue to do so.  This body acne is annoying.  I suppose it does mean that my body is releasing toxins through my pores.  Go me!  

Happy Friday.